you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize