Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
