Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
