So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
