cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
