we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i think im in europe. pls send help
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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