I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
