I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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