I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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