Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
