ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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