I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
