i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
