JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
