I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
