I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
