And the cops told us we were all naked.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just blew my weed a kiss
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
