I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As shirtless as possible
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
