i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
