Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
