You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
