U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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