hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
