You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need moral support for this bender
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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