This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
