You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
