i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
