he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
