i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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