I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nobody cheats on THIS.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
