my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
