apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
