last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
