I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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