she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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