I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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