3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
