ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
