I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
