Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
