I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
