How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
