I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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