If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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