just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
