I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So. Much. Porn.
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