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If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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