I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
