Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
