Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
