I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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