The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
